I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
