it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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