Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Terrible idea I love it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
