So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know her cup size but not her name....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
