I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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