Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
