I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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