This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
