My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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