Swine flu. Run for my life!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
