The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
