So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude i'm inner monologue high
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
