I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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