Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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