Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
