During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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