Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
