I'm jealous of your bromance
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How naked do you want me to be?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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