New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
