haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
