Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
