My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
