I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
