im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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