Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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