please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
