I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
