he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
