No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
