in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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