whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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