dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
