When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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