Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
