i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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