The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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