Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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