I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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