I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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