i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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