broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
only you would photoshop your dick
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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