Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize