In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
