as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
