I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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