when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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