Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
try to milk me bitch
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