I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
