I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
