Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
