Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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