a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
