She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
