I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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