I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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