it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
