Is it because I queefed?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
