Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We need to get me chipped asap
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
