i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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