My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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