I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
