oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
