Umm I'm too high to move.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i dont even know how to be here
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize