I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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