like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
