I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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